Got a match? Now's the time to shine in the conversation. Here's how to get it right from the start and avoid the infamous "vacuum."

Introduction

You swiped, matched, and now...? The first message is the key moment to turning that match into a real conversation. And believe me: starting off right can make all the difference between a conversation that clicks and one that dies right there.

In this article, you will discover what works (and what doesn't) when starting a conversation on dating apps.

What NOT to say in the first message

Before we talk about what works, let's look at the most common mistakes that scare people away or don't spark interest:

• "Hey how's it going?" – Too generic. It shows laziness and doesn't make you want to respond.
• “Hi, I've been missing” – Besides being boring, it’s cliché and doesn’t make sense at first glance.
• Message copied or pasted – You can tell right away. It shows a lack of authenticity.
• Invasive physical comments – Avoid forced or sexualized compliments right away.

What WORKS in the first message

Now that's it! Here are some approaches that really increase your chances of starting a good conversation:

1. Comment on the profile

It shows that you're genuinely interested. Example:

“I saw that you like indie music… have you been to any memorable shows?”

2. Light and creative humor

A well-placed joke breaks the ice. Example:

“If we were a fictional movie couple, would it be a romantic comedy or a psychological thriller?”

3. Creative question

Asking a fun or unusual question can be surprising. Example:

“Do you prefer cold pizza for breakfast or ice cream for dinner?”

4. Reference to something in common

If the app shows common interests or tastes, use this to your advantage:

“Do you also love beach trips? Do you have a favorite destination?”

Golden tip: always personalize

Generic messages seem automatic. A personalized detail already shows effort and attention. Even a simple phrase can gain impact if it's connected to the person's profile.

Quick Summary

• ❌ Avoid “hi, how are you?” and empty compliments
• ✅ Comment on something on the person's profile
• 😂 Use light and authentic humor
• 🎯 Ask unusual questions
• 🔍 Personalize your approach

Conclusion

The first message doesn't have to be perfect — but it does need to show interest, creativity and lightnessWith a well-thought-out approach, you'll get a head start and greatly increase the chances of a fluid conversation.

Final tip: Imagine you're talking to someone in person. What would you say to break the ice? Take that to the app—and be yourself!

Explore more

Continue in category Tips of DateMobs to learn how to better engage with matches and turn conversations into real dates.